Beneath the Surface

Sometimes, things look great on the surface. Like that vacation deal you’ve been dreaming about, or that gadget on sale for a limited time. But once you dig a little deeper, you find hidden fees, outdated tech, or a snack that’s supposed to be 100 calories—but only if you stop at one serving!

Life’s full of these little surprises where things just aren’t what they seem. Unfortunately, that’s also true in more serious situations, like the one I encountered during a routine stop at a gas station.

Picture Perfect

Now, filling up my tank isn’t something I look forward to. It’s a task I’d rather avoid, and if I had my way, I’d be back in New Jersey, where pumping your own gas has been illegal since 1949. No fumes, no fuss—just someone else handling the job. But back to reality: on this particular early summer night, my usual mundane stop became unforgettable.

After stuffing my receipt into my wallet, I noticed a man talking to a woman in the driver’s seat in a luxury SUV at the next pump. Her window was barely cracked, and I assumed they were a couple. “How nice,” I thought, “she doesn’t even have to get out to pump her gas.”

As I pulled around the front of her car to leave, I noticed two children strapped into car seats in the back. It seemed like the perfect family. But then I saw the man angrily yanking at the passenger side car doors—first the back, then the front. The woman sat still, not opening the window to speak to him. That perfect image suddenly didn’t feel right.

Turning Back: A Gut Feeling

I circled back, pulling up to the pump again. As I did, the man quickly walked away toward a group of parked cars at the edge of the station. I opened my window and asked, “Are you okay?” She seemed surprised and confused by my question, so I explained that her interaction with the man had concerned me.

She hesitated for a moment, then quietly said, “He’s my husband.”

Still concerned, I asked again, “But are you okay?”

Tears filled her eyes. That’s when I knew this wasn’t about stopping to get gas. She had done exactly what professionals recommend: if your abuser is following you, park in a highly visible public place where you can get help if needed. I suggested she call the police, a friend, or a domestic abuse hotline, and to not go home alone. She nodded and thanked me, and I stayed until the man drove away.

My first impression—that she had it all—was dead wrong.  What appeared to be an ideal family was, in truth, a woman trying to protect herself and the children from her abuser.

From Physical to Digital

Domestic violence can affect anyone—regardless of background, race, religion, gender, or sexual orientation. In the U.S., 1 in 4 women and 1 in 9 men experience sexual violence, physical violence, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. Domestic violence takes many forms, including:

• Physical Abuse: This is the most visible form of domestic violence, often involving hitting, slapping, or other forms of physical harm. But it can also include denying basic needs, such as food, sleep and medical care, or locking someone in or out of the house.
• Emotional Abuse: Constant criticism, yelling, blaming, insults, and manipulation can tear down a person’s self-esteem, leaving deep emotional wounds that may never fully heal.
• Financial Abuse: When one partner controls all the money, restricting access to finances or preventing the other from working, it traps the victim in a cycle of dependence.
• Psychological Abuse: Abusers use threats, intimidation, and isolation to maintain control, often cutting victims off from friends, family, or the outside world.
• Sexual Abuse: Any sexual activity without consent is abuse—this holds true even in a committed relationship. Coercion and manipulation into unwanted sexual acts also fall within this category.
• Digital Abuse: In today’s tech-savvy world, abusers often use technology to track, harass, or control their partner. Whether it’s checking phones, tracking locations, or monitoring social media, it’s another way to maintain dominance.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

In honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month, let’s remember – behind many “picture-perfect” relationships, there may be someone suffering in silence. No one should have to live in fear.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website, call 800-799-SAFE or text “START” to 88788.

Happy reading,

Enjoy the weekend!

Best,
Suzanne
Suzanne Daniels, Ph.D.
AEPC President
P.O. Box 1416
Birmingham, MI 48012
Office: (248) 792-2187
Email: [email protected]